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Old 4th November 2016, 23:39
Brandon DeLarge

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Little Johnny Horner sat in the corner eating a pizza pie. He shit pepperoni, blew his friend Tony, and wiped his mouth on his tie
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Old 12th November 2016, 07:14
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Three guys walk into a bar...you would think at least one of them would have seen it.

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
He hears a priest come in. “Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”
The priest replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side!”

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door. He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, “Yes, I am.” The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife. The guy says, “Sure…” and gets a photo to show them. The deputy says, “I’m sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck.” The guy replies, “I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook.”
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Old 15th November 2016, 05:42
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Sitting in a bar the Scotsman says, "As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
"Well," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the barman will buy you your
third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks
you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true. Then the Englishman asked, "Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not to me, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."


Little Mary and her mother are at the zoo. Mary sees two monkeys mating and points to them and says "mommy, what are those gorillas doing?" Mom thinks for a minute and says "um... they're frying fish honey" so then they go into the zoo a little more, and then Mary sees two pandas mating and asks "mommy, what are those pandas doing?" Mom says "they're frying fish honey, remember what we saw with the monkeys?" Later on that evening when they get home, Mom and Dad disappear into their bedroom for a little bit. When mom comes back down, Mary asks "mommy, what were you and daddy doing in there?" mom says "we were frying fish honey." Mary says "well, you still have some tartar sauce on your lip."
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Old 6th January 2017, 02:53
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Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Daughter: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
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